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About Literature / Artist kelsey rakesFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 8 Years
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Statistics 5 Deviations 10,547 Comments 339,367 Pageviews

Newest Deviations

Riding Bikes
Going off medication is like riding a bike.
The doctor holds tight to my handlebars and lowers my dosage. The training wheels are off, and oh hey, look at me go! It's like flying but not, and I'm doing so well but then there's a horrible accident and I'm somehow upside down at the bottom of the sea with both wheels still spinning.
"Help," I say, and my doctor pats my head, puts a band-aid on my knee, and writes a note on my chart.
I've balanced by myself for months at a time, but I always end up hitting a fucking tree or falling off a cliff or something equally catastrophic because I am a catastrophic person. Except that is an exaggeration. I am an exaggeration.
I like to compare mental illnesses to mundane physical activities. Also you should know that I am sick but trying to get better.
Sometimes I relapse and then write poems about it.
It's not even the kind of sick where people bring you soup in bed and soothe your fevered brow. It's the kind of sick where I'm late to work because
:iconestallidos:estallidos 725 395
compulsive liar.
once i asked you your favourite
colour, and you said, "the brown
of your eyes," so i put in one green
contact and told everyone that i
came out of the womb as a factory
defect, half-priced, damaged goods.
sometimes i am from canada and
sometimes i am from england and
sometimes i am from spain.
i've carefully tempered my accents
and plotted out my stories with
yellow and purple coloured pencils
on index cards. my origin changes
like the seasons.
"why do you lie to everyone?" you
"why not?" i reply.
i wear nametags that read "alicia"
and "liana" and "samantha," because
i want to know how it feels to be
someone else for a day.
you make me a nametag with my
real name on it, and i just laugh.
(later i slip it beneath my mattress
and spend the night staring at the ceiling.
see, i've tried myself on one too many
times, and the fit is never right.)
you call me your little compulsive
liar, and i guess that is supposed
to be somewhat affectionate.
or something.
i spin before the mir
:iconestallidos:estallidos 3,033 597
stop ruining autumn.
fall makes me think of leaving and of apple cider, though i never liked apple cider.
but i liked the idea of it.
two years ago i met a boy as fragile as dead leaves who called me his little spring girl. (i'd always liked autumn the best.) he kissed the two soft dimples on the small of my back and told me helikedme helovedme hewantedme.
and oh, by the way, "everything good must come to an end."
on our one year anniversary we picked out two pumpkins and i drew elephants on them for us to carve. he cut his out so aggressively that it lost its shape.
lopped off tusks and broken trunks became just a large, jagged hole.
he put a lit candle inside, and we watched it flicker, illuminating the raw edges.
"what is it supposed to be?" i asked him, taking his hand.
"my heart," he said definitively.
like an afterthought.
after that i was too afraid to carve my pumpkin at all.
the leaves changed, or maybe he changed, or maybe i was b
:iconestallidos:estallidos 2,009 470
just don't.

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Eulogy for Bear
A friend devolves and a beast acquires a soul
These journeys are begun for reasons
that we soon forget. Some of Adam's kin
jettison little-by-little their sacred selves,
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Master of Ravens
Master of Ravens
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During the night, snow fell over the jagged wreckage of our land. In the morning I realize he will follow me outside if I call to him. Like an awkward-limbed colt he'll stumble through the snowdrifts, and I can leave him to the ice and wind in the shadow of a three-walled building. No one will see me. Our father will think he has gotten lost on his own. I too will cry when they find his body. When the mourning is done, however, I will be my father's true and only son. 'Cam,' he will call to me, and I'll kneel down before him.
My father. Master of Ravens. Crow-Runner. The Blackbird King.
I pull on my winter boots, knot the coarse laces.
My little brother asks, 'Cam. Where are you going?'
'Out,' I tell him.
'To play in the snow?'
'To look at it.'
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Take care.


estallidos's Profile Picture
kelsey rakes
Artist | Literature
United States
When I was little, I thought that looking at video clips and pictures of the sun could blind you.


Add a Comment:
andrsrrp Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
did you erase everything you have posted?
PatchworkLynx Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2016   Writer
Happy birthday!!! <3
Angiebeagoodgirl Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
We're still here. Hoping you'll come pour a little more of your heart out so we can watch, curiously comforted that even geniuses are lonely.
deadxbirds Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2015
miss you <3
914four Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Bonne fête!
duermete Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2015   Writer
I found you here 5 years ago and since then I forgot all about deviantart. This morning, when I had the idea to come back here, the first thing I did was try to find you. I searched bits and pieces of your poems that still stuck with me after all this time. I was apparently a successful stalker because here I am and it feels like finding an old friend. One you're happy to see. I've missed you and I hope you are well. 
imostar Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015
Oh, I though I know u very long times ago, but when I see dates I just don't know, date said I know you from 2009. What is this feeling? Lost memory?
klabas Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
your poetry brings me to tears
simply beautiful 
I am blessed by your work. 
914four Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Birthday wishes from Newton by 914four
Happy Birthday! :cake:
brighteyedsiren Featured By Owner Sep 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday!  :D  May you be blessed with lots of inspiration to write more wonderful poetry.
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