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literature by Sitas-the-Fool

Literature and Writing by GymnastixJenny

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Submitted on
April 30
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In the beginning you never want to let her go,
and so you don't for a long, long time.
You commit to bobby pins underfoot, mismatched
plates stacked like landmines,
long hairs that circle and clog the drain, filling the tub
with stagnant water.

You tell her something that you love about her
each night before you fall asleep,
until one day you look at her and realize that you
don't know what to say anymore.

-

“I am not happy.”

You whisper this to yourself once and then try to say it louder,
but the words won't cooperate.

Maybe a whisper is as loud as this thought can exist,
or maybe some words weren't meant to be spoken aloud,
but you still think them, and yes,
you whisper them to yourself
when she isn't listening.

Perhaps this is what you should have been telling her
each night as her hands searched for you in the darkness.

-

This isn't happening, you think,
unless it is.

You wonder if you owe her something,
like your heart, maybe, your red hooded sweatshirt,
the dirt under your fingernails,
an apology.

You tell yourself that you've fulfilled your obligation to her with years –

Happy years, yes, but also years where you yelled,
years where you couldn't bring yourself to yell,
years where you sat next to her at the dinner table
and worried that you had fallen in love with a stranger.

Deep down you know that she did nothing wrong,
and that perhaps you are dealing with a debt
that can't ever be repaid.

-

You aren't worried about the goodbye.

The hardest part will be when you finally
admit to someone, “I do not love her anymore,”

and that someone is yourself.
(For the funeral of your relationship.)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-07-13
Last Words by estallidos ( Suggested by TwilightPoetess and Featured by GrimFace242 )
:icontheastrologist:
TheAstrologist Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2014
i love this. never stop writing
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:iconfriendswithspiders:
FriendsWithSpiders Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This piece is amazing.
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:iconscarlet-obsession:
Scarlet-Obsession Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014  Professional Photographer
Hoping for more <3
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:iconryukengi:
Ryukengi Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014
This is /very/ relevant to myself right now. You could not have wrote this any better. I know do not know what to do myself. Numb, is how I feel. Very good piece there.
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:iconchlowo:
Chlowo Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014   Writer
This is my life right now. Thank you so much for this. I haven't really had a breakup like this before and I feel really validated knowing this is the process for other people too.
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:iconaborro:
Aborro Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is really, very, amazing, it captures this feeling, the way it happens, how it sometimes can go... and no matter how good this is, it's still such a very sad piece, but that it makes me feel it too... really is what makes it.... outstanding. A well worth DD.
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:iconmarieholly:
MarieHolly Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014
This is truly remarkable :heart: (yet, renders the reader nearly speechless. Go figure.) 
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:iconirishfury97:
Irishfury97 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2014
Why do I feel my ex would love this piece? Either way, very well done, not often does a writer speak for the breaker than the breakee:)
Reply
:iconnonier:
NonieR Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2014
Hmm. Good, insightful, but--just a little selfish?  More worried about being honest with ?him?self than with hurting her, however necessary it may be?

I left my husband of sixteen years--still loving him, but not in love--when I realized the balance of our relationship had shifted far enough, and unrepairably enough, that it was hurting us both in ways we couldn't fix. And *fuck* my admitting it to myself; I had to admit it to HIM and act on it, when he hadn't--in any meaningful sense--done anything to deserve being abandoned, which had always been his greatest fear. And doing so broke my heart, and it still does.

(Luckily, six months after I left him, he got to know an old friend of my sister's who needed exactly what he could give, and vice versa, and we're all pert' good friends--she and I think of each other as sisters--but I still broke something in him by leaving him, even if it's helped all three of us grow up in positive ways.)

So if the woman in this poem--whether she's real or just in your imagination--did "nothing wrong," and the speaker's more bothered by admitting it to himself than her, he's a selfish bastard and oughtta be whapped upside the head and pelted with rotten fish

Okay, okay; so I'm too close to the situation to be a good poetry critic, so keep that in mind. And you wrote this well enough that I react to it emotionally, which means you're damn good.

But--harrumph! <whap!>

--Nonie the Biased
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:iconmazdi:
Mazdi Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2014  Professional Interface Designer
I'm just experiencing love for the first time and I sincerely pray this doesn't happen to me, or him.
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