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:iconestallidos: More from estallidos


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writing by quantumponies

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August 8, 2013
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they put an expiration date on sadness last wednesday, and now the world is happy again.

the law says we only get six months to mourn tragedies, six months to howl at the moon and claw at our thighs until they look like road maps. six months, and then the pain will die away just like we wanted to.

i didn't think it could really happen, but i've seen it. my neighbor's husband left her two years ago, and they're taking retroactive sadness into account. now that her grief has expired, she can't stop smiling. she told me that she's free to pull the weeds from her garden and wear her red high heels again. she has a date with the UPS man, and i swear she's lost five pounds.

i ran into my friend jennifer in the produce section yesterday, and she hugged me so hard that i felt my back crack. jennifer had a miscarriage seven months ago, but when she mentioned that she's going to start trying for another baby, i was the only one tearing up over the zucchinis.

i've got two more days left 'til mine expires, but i don't know if i can give up the sadness when the time comes. i've felt this heavy hand on my back for so long that it's almost like a friend.

i want to reassure everyone that it's okay to be sad sometimes, but i'm slowly running out of people to tell. they're all becoming happy, which is both wonderful and horrible at the same time. i'm just so afraid that soon all i will have left to talk about is high heels or ripe vegetables, and no one will care that after my neighbor signed her divorce papers, we watched crappy TV and ate pineapple ice cream until i threw up, which is its own kind of bliss.

i'm writing this down so that i don't forget jennifer's voice shaking against my ear as she sobbed, and so that i don't forget that i never want to eat pineapple ice cream again.  

in two days i will be made happy, and i'm just trying not to think about how terribly sad that is.
for molly.
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:iconyellowbird98:
YellowBird98 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Student General Artist
God, You are the mastermind of words.
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:iconsec0ndhandsmokex:
sec0ndhandsmokex Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014
I've been reading your writings for five years. You were the first person I found on deviantart and one of the only i've remained faithful to reading. you have inspired me countless times for writings of my own. I think of you almost as a distant friend that i can't put a face to, because i feel like we relate so much on so many things. Please keep up the good work and understand that there are still sad people out there that need writers like you to let us know that we aren't alone.

thank you.
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:iconthemis-kali:
Themis-Kali Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
I whole heartedly agree with you.  Estallidos' writing is always so beautiful and profound one simply must reread it mulitple times for the emotions it takes us.

She has also been an inspiration for me in times past and I hope my muse can see her to repeat the blessing.
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:iconkiriska:
Kiriska Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014
Love this one.
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:iconsummernightangel:
summernightangel Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
this is incredible
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:iconarabesque-o:
arabesque-o Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Student Photographer
holy fuck, 
this is.... wow. i just wish i had your way with words.
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:iconlynrae:
lynrae Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013

Wow.  This is gorgeous.  So sweet and sad and aching.  It sounds like a good thing, really, the expiration of sadness, which means that from the start I was a little bit suspicious of that premise, I suspected I would be led to the opposite conclusion by the end.  And then the line, "she can't stop smiling."  It's simple, and innocuous, and certainly not as poetic as lines like "i've felt this heavy hand on my back for so long that it's almost like a friend."  (Which is a gorgeous line, by the way.)  But it really gets you--she can't stop smiling.  she can't stop smiling.  And we get this impression of a face frozen in glee, unable to take any other shape no matter how much its owner might want it to.


Part of what I love about your writing is that you can take these ordinary moments, like running into a friend in the produce section, and marry them seamlessly with the internal monologue, the inordinary narrative world in your (and/or the character's) head.  You find the poetry in the ordinary, the feeling and the meaning, and you do that here as well.


(p.s.  I still read your book out loud to myself sometimes.  it lives on a shelf with all my other most-important-most-precious books.)

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:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
i like the idea behind this. i think such a word would be horrible indeed. everyone needs to feel sadness.
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:iconscarlet-obsession:
Scarlet-Obsession Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Professional Photographer
Wonderful. I'm so glad to see you posting again. Please write more soon! <3
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:iconlinney69:
Linney69 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i don't go on deviantart as much now, i only do to upload poems, but every time i do, i am sure to check if you've had any new poems up. this is an odd beauty, this piece. i can relate to it and it makes me feel just a twang of - hah - sadness.
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