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they put an expiration date on sadness last wednesday, and now the world is happy again.

the law says we only get six months to mourn tragedies, six months to howl at the moon and claw at our thighs until they look like road maps. six months, and then the pain will die away just like we wanted to.

i didn't think it could really happen, but i've seen it. my neighbor's husband left her two years ago, and they're taking retroactive sadness into account. now that her grief has expired, she can't stop smiling. she told me that she's free to pull the weeds from her garden and wear her red high heels again. she has a date with the UPS man, and i swear she's lost five pounds.

i ran into my friend jennifer in the produce section yesterday, and she hugged me so hard that i felt my back crack. jennifer had a miscarriage seven months ago, but when she mentioned that she's going to start trying for another baby, i was the only one tearing up over the zucchinis.

i've got two more days left 'til mine expires, but i don't know if i can give up the sadness when the time comes. i've felt this heavy hand on my back for so long that it's almost like a friend.

i want to reassure everyone that it's okay to be sad sometimes, but i'm slowly running out of people to tell. they're all becoming happy, which is both wonderful and horrible at the same time. i'm just so afraid that soon all i will have left to talk about is high heels or ripe vegetables, and no one will care that after my neighbor signed her divorce papers, we watched crappy TV and ate pineapple ice cream until i threw up, which is its own kind of bliss.

i'm writing this down so that i don't forget jennifer's voice shaking against my ear as she sobbed, and so that i don't forget that i never want to eat pineapple ice cream again.  

in two days i will be made happy, and i'm just trying not to think about how terribly sad that is.
for molly.
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:iconyellowbird98:
YellowBird98 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2014  Student General Artist
God, You are the mastermind of words.
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:iconsec0ndhandsmokex:
sec0ndhandsmokex Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2014
I've been reading your writings for five years. You were the first person I found on deviantart and one of the only i've remained faithful to reading. you have inspired me countless times for writings of my own. I think of you almost as a distant friend that i can't put a face to, because i feel like we relate so much on so many things. Please keep up the good work and understand that there are still sad people out there that need writers like you to let us know that we aren't alone.

thank you.
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:iconthemis-kali:
Themis-Kali Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014
I whole heartedly agree with you.  Estallidos' writing is always so beautiful and profound one simply must reread it mulitple times for the emotions it takes us.

She has also been an inspiration for me in times past and I hope my muse can see her to repeat the blessing.
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:iconkiriska:
Kiriska Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014
Love this one.
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:iconsummernightangel:
summernightangel Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2013
this is incredible
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:iconarabesque-o:
arabesque-o Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2013  Student Photographer
holy fuck, 
this is.... wow. i just wish i had your way with words.
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:iconlynrae:
lynrae Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013

Wow.  This is gorgeous.  So sweet and sad and aching.  It sounds like a good thing, really, the expiration of sadness, which means that from the start I was a little bit suspicious of that premise, I suspected I would be led to the opposite conclusion by the end.  And then the line, "she can't stop smiling."  It's simple, and innocuous, and certainly not as poetic as lines like "i've felt this heavy hand on my back for so long that it's almost like a friend."  (Which is a gorgeous line, by the way.)  But it really gets you--she can't stop smiling.  she can't stop smiling.  And we get this impression of a face frozen in glee, unable to take any other shape no matter how much its owner might want it to.


Part of what I love about your writing is that you can take these ordinary moments, like running into a friend in the produce section, and marry them seamlessly with the internal monologue, the inordinary narrative world in your (and/or the character's) head.  You find the poetry in the ordinary, the feeling and the meaning, and you do that here as well.


(p.s.  I still read your book out loud to myself sometimes.  it lives on a shelf with all my other most-important-most-precious books.)

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:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2013
i like the idea behind this. i think such a word would be horrible indeed. everyone needs to feel sadness.
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:iconscarlet-obsession:
Scarlet-Obsession Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Professional Photographer
Wonderful. I'm so glad to see you posting again. Please write more soon! <3
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:iconlinney69:
Linney69 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
i don't go on deviantart as much now, i only do to upload poems, but every time i do, i am sure to check if you've had any new poems up. this is an odd beauty, this piece. i can relate to it and it makes me feel just a twang of - hah - sadness.
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:iconsylviaveir:
SylviaVeir Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow, what a wonderful piece, and beautifully written as always ;)
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:iconsweetthings8:
sweetthings8 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Sometimes, I feel like crying for him will bring him back. That every memory visited is another pass on Earth fr him to dwell among his friends and family. Sometimes... I don't want to be happy when I remember those who are gone. Maybe it's selfish... but they're mine.
Reply
:iconkaleidoscopekirin:
KaleidoscopeKirin Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Sadness is a necessary thing, and I don't think it's wrong to grieve, or selfish.
It's a natural human reaction that must run its course.

Just ...don't get so caught up in all the bad times that you miss out on the good.

"Things are going to happen in life that you can't stop, but that's no reason to shut out the world." -Crazy Pete

"It doesn't do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live." -Dumbledore
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:iconcouldhavebeenking:
couldhavebeenking Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2013
Your writing is a constant source of inspiration. The way you manipulate the English language is beautiful, you have a real gift of bringing words down to the bone. I've always been awful at poetry (I've always been a writer for prose or script), but I really admire your talents. I've kept this in my inbox since you posted it so I can come back and reread it.

Keep being brilliant!
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:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is so wonderful. you are so talented. this is absolutely moving and beautiful.
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:iconjecca-o9:
jecca-o9 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2013
This amazing. The idea of enforced happiness, of not being able to feel other emotions--especially sadness / releasing sadness, which humans need (a crying fit is feels horrible but it always makes us feel better afterward) is brilliant and terrifying.
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:iconpippinfox:
PippinFox Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Glad to see more writings from you :) This is a wonderful piece very paradoxical and yet hauntingly true.
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:iconjust-delilah:
just-delilah Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013
I'm so happy you continue to post. I really enjoy your perspective into the world of words where things typically make it a little easier to talk about how you feel than when you're stuck in person fumbling like idiots. And by really enjoy, I mean it makes me feel a little less alone.

Thank you. :heart:
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:iconannie2006:
annie2006 Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2013
this is so brilliant. it's so tragically beautiful... or beautifully tragic, i can't decide. either way it's breathtaking.
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:iconsoulxmonkey:
SoulxMonkey Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I've been waiting for so long. Thank you for writing, Kelsey.
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:iconultimatesketchqueen:
UltimateSketchQueen Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Beautifully written, fascinating concept :3
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:icongrihm:
grihm Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Student General Artist
i hope that in a few months or a few years or something i can be better. but i think that some sadness is forever.
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
i think so too, but what can you do?
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:icongrihm:
grihm Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Student General Artist
exist. or cease to.
Reply
:iconauthorofthings:
authorofthings Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013
omg... this is awesome.
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
thanks!
Reply
:iconwedgefactor:
WedgeFactor Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is stunning in the sort of underlying fear that runs through it alongside the resigned sadness of the piece. Very thought provoking, and it makes me think of the phrase "painting smiley faces on your soul".
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
i've never heard that phrase, but i like it.
Reply
:iconkalika-shai:
Kalika-Shai Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Student General Artist
This is absolutely powerful and I love it.
It also reminds me of the novel series Delirium by Lauren Oliver
where love is removed from us because it's believed to be a disease.

Very well done!

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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
i'll have to read those books!
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:iconkalika-shai:
Kalika-Shai Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Student General Artist
You should!
I've only read the first book,
but I'd like to read the rest. 
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:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is brilliant, and so thought provoking. :D
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
:heart:
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:iconyouxknowxnothing:
youxknowxnothing Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is the reason I started following you <3 Your writing is beautiful.
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
thank you!
Reply
:iconkatiekerr:
katiekerr Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Professional Writer
It looks like anything I could say about this has already been said, but still, this is quite brilliant, and it really resonated with me. Well done.
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
thank you so much.
Reply
:iconglossolalias:
glossolalias Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
amazing.
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
:iconflowerplz:
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:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautifully done.
"You can either hold yourself up to the unrealistic standards of others, or ignore them and concentrate on being happy with yourself as you are. " - Jeph Jacques
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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
is that the questionable content guy?
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:icon914four:
914four Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Apparently so, although I didn't realize it until you pointed it out. I collect quotes, and this one appealed to me.
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:iconlamplighter1968:
Lamplighter1968 Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013

Beautiful work as always! You have a special way of writing that reminds me of a beloved grandparent taking my hand as we stroll slowly among majestic trees and they share some piece of wisdom it may take me years to fully understand.

Thank you for this :-)

 

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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2013  Professional Writer
no, thank you :)
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Flagged as Spam
:iconmaddachinchilla:
MaddAchinchilla Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
Well aren't you just a jar of unicorn shit and rainbows. 
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:icondustybeijing:
dustybeijing Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2013   General Artist
Rainbows ARE unicorn shit. Do your research buddy.
Reply
:iconmaddachinchilla:
MaddAchinchilla Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2013
I've been DECIEVED! I've always thought unicorns shit out butterflies. Those free-loaders must be working with the leprechauns now! I bet those green bastards give them Lucky charms marshmallows to create decoy rainbows; all in the sake of protecting their gold. Tricksy ones they are!
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:icondild0z3r:
dild0z3r Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
aren't you a hipster fagget
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:iconchaldemone:
Chaldemone Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2013
I'm glad you understand.
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