Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconestallidos: More from estallidos


Featured in Collections

Writing by gurukiki

Literature by fallingfaster-angel


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
June 16, 2011
File Size
2.0 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
6,674
Favourites
316 (who?)
Comments
99

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
the thing is, i need
the deer to mean something.

-

i go to the soccer game and smile
and nod while something furious
inside of me is screaming.
a deer appears while the sun
is setting and it's like a scene
from a movie: green grass and gold rays
that spread out, tingeing our feet
with one last bit of wednesday.
everyone watches the deer and makes
noises of appreciation and i look
around and i think to myself
"okay, this is it, i am happy."

-

the deer is watching me and i try
to decide if it's a metaphor.
i want the deer to be death, see,
to represent fucking or blacking
out or apathy or loneliness.

someone does something heroic
with a soccer ball and i watch
my hands clap together over and over.
okay, or maybe the deer is supposed
to be happy. maybe the deer
represents attending social
events and sitting with people.
maybe the deer means that
i'm ready to let go.

the girl beside me looks over
and asks if i've written any poems
lately. (that's all she knows of me,
that i write poems and smile vapidly.)
i laugh and hold my wrists
and write silent excuses on
my throat with my tongue.

no, sorry, too busy wondering
if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness.


-

the deer is just a fucking deer,
it goes as quickly as it comes
and no one notices enough to care.

the sun sets and it isn't beautiful
or mystical or meaningful. it just is.

it's so cold for june and only growing
colder. darker. i still my shaking hands
and try to write a poem while people
on either side of me whisper and giggle
and touch. someone tells a joke and i
can't remember if i already laughed.

if this is happiness, i'd rather be sad.
try, trying, tried.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbros-key:
Bros-Key Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happiness is merely a word with an empty definition if we've no one to share it with. Because then it means something deep and inexplicable. But when you have nobody then it is better to be sad because then you're always feeling SOMETHING. But nobody wants to share someone else's sadness with themselves. And sometimes, quite often actually, sad is all they see.I am a dummy! 
Reply
:iconfelicityworthington:
FelicityWorthington Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
yes yes yes every single day of the last year was like this. i don't remember how to be happy or sad anymore. but your words are much better at describing that :)
Reply
:iconasthedarknessfalls:
AsTheDarknessFalls Featured By Owner May 4, 2012
That last line was possibly the most powerful thing I've read in a long time.
Reply
:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner May 4, 2012  Professional Writer
a true compliment. thank you so much, friend.
Reply
:iconasthedarknessfalls:
AsTheDarknessFalls Featured By Owner May 4, 2012
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconwitchform:
witchform Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2012
one of the truest things. it hit a chord. you're great with this uh, with the imagery, with the feeling.
Reply
:iconsigma-echo-seven:
Sigma-Echo-Seven Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2012  Student Writer
I completely understand.
Reply
:iconephemeral-luncay:
Ephemeral-Luncay Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
beautiful
Reply
:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012  Professional Writer
thank you for the favorites <3
Reply
:iconephemeral-luncay:
Ephemeral-Luncay Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2012
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Reply
:iconmrsgooger:
MrsGooger Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You really have a gift. And you have ensnared me with your direct honesty and the brilliant way you share your feelings.

Thank you. <3 You have gained a very happy watcher.
Reply
:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Professional Writer
and you have, in turn, made me happy. thank you for taking the time to read my work and leave a meaningful comment <3
Reply
:iconmrsgooger:
MrsGooger Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It's a pleasure. And thank you for sharing with us. Looking forward to reading more of your work. <3
Reply
:iconleuthy29:
Leuthy29 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
And around to will try again?
Reply
:iconelakziell:
elakziell Featured By Owner Nov 6, 2011  Professional Writer
I admire both your self awareness and your ability to express that awareness in words. It's quite remarkable.
Reply
:iconydrango:
Ydrango Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2011   Writer
I wish I could somehow more-than-fav this poem. i've read it once, but it stayed with me, it comes back to me every now and then, because you have found exact honest words for a feeling, or problem, or reality i knew without words... which is just what talented people do.
what I'm saying is I love this poem
because it's like you understood me when you wrote it... or I understood you and me when I read it...
I need the deer to mean something too.
so i thought i'd let you know no matter the number of comments you already had on it :)
Reply
:iconsimonetutti:
SimoneTutti Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
This expressed how I feel most days. I sometimes hate the way you tell my life story to the world... but usually I just love knowing that I am not the only one with this story.
Reply
:iconscribblerses:
Scribblerses Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2011
This is so much how I feel right now.
Reply
:iconforgottenangel777:
Forgottenangel777 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2011
So, I've read two of your works so far today because I haven't checked in for a while, and you work always touches me... Something just seems so different about you. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. You're work is still lovely though. You just seem different to me.

Pretty work.
Reply
:iconliarfly:
Liarfly Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2011
The boyfriend loves soccer... season tickets. this, every time.
Reply
:iconpassionsinsanity:
PassionsInsanity Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Love, loving, loved (it).
Reply
:icondjchocolate-lover:
DJChocolate-Lover Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011  Student General Artist
I really like the last line.
Reply
:iconlivexforxliars:
livexforxliars Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2011  Student Writer
i can very much empathise with

the girl beside me looks over
and asks if i've written any poems
lately. (that's all she knows of me,
that i write poems and smile vapidly.)
i laugh and hold my wrists
and write silent excuses on
my throat with my tongue.

no, sorry, too busy wondering
if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness.
</u>


sometimes i feel like you've written down, with far more beauty of course, the thoughts in my head. it's strange, but i like it when that happens because it almost feels like all of us here, you and your followers, transcend the barriers of our own little worlds and form one consciousness.
Reply
:iconwrite4me:
Write4Me Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
"If this is happiness, I'd rather be sad"
I think that is a thing that poets have, finding the beauty in the most tragic things but finding themselves unable to make happiness sound beautiful.

At least that's what happens to me and to most of the poets I follow.

Beautiful work.
Reply
:iconcaptianareyoudrunk:
Captianareyoudrunk Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2011   Photographer
"gold rays
that spread out, tingeing our feet
with one last bit of wednesday." this is a great line I love your poems!
Reply
:iconilikeskarfs:
ILikeSkarfs Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011
YAY
Reply
:iconfrom-ashes-to-asher:
from-ashes-to-asher Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2011  Student Interface Designer
i hate when the deer is just a fucking deer. which is pretty much all the time. huzzah for life as the anticlimactic disappointment..
Reply
:iconragged-ashes:
ragged-ashes Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
no, sorry, too busy wondering
if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness.
Reply
:iconpaperboatdreams:
PaperBoatDreams Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
@kittykatz55
ahhaha.. i read this comment and almost laughed outloud @ "work" <---- suspicious quotation marks.

she should write the encounter from the deer's POV.
Reply
:iconbeigegray:
beigegray Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2011
"the girl beside me looks over
and asks if i've written any poems
lately. (that's all she knows of me,
that i write poems and smile vapidly.)"

This is a bit colloquial for my taste and I wasn't so keen on it in the beginning but dear god I got there.
Reply
:iconkittykatz55:
kittykatz55 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011  Student Photographer
I know the feeling all too well. :heart:

Maybe the deer is waiting for something metaphoric too.
Reply
:iconsolider-1st:
SOLIDER-1st Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011
Yeah, I've never been much for happiness either
Reply
:iconatragicsinister:
atragicsinister Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2011
I wonder if this is based in an actual moment. If it is, i wonder what was in the dear's head. But either it was or not, tragedy is a beautiful word. How could there be happiness in the absence of Tragedy? if it wasn't for some tragedies in our lifes which helped us to be stronger and ready for worst moments coming in our existence, we would've continue to be like a person with a tool for the first time, not knowing what to do. I see myself in the picture and not because is what i'm going through or anything else. but there i see like how the rays of the sun touched the deer. like you said, like a movie. Someone posted on a social page the title of your poem, and I know how much she enjoys your writting. if it wasn't for her, i wouldn't enjoy it too. But if you wouldn't had to posted, well, probably i would've been reading something else. hmmmmmm, tragedy... i love that word.
Reply
:icondoreda-lorinda:
Doreda-Lorinda Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2011
that's amazing.

"i laugh and hold my wrists
and write silent excuses on
my throat with my tongue.

no, sorry, too busy wondering
if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness.
"
-best part
Reply
:iconfallingbriskly:
fallingbriskly Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
Speechless. Such an amazing poem :)
Reply
:iconipunchbabies:
ipunchbabies Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
I wonder sometimes if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness, too. And I'm thinking yes. Or at least it should be. But it isn't really. Not... really.
Reply
:icontheartaprentice:
TheArtAprentice Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2011  Student General Artist
You made me cry, but I can't tell if it's sad or happy. This was honestly impacting in the weirdest way.
I loved it.<3
Reply
:iconbizzziecee:
bizzziecee Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
"too busy wondering/if the absence of tragedy/is the equivalent of happiness" - beautiful. the contrasts work perfectly for you.
Reply
:iconbetws-y-coed:
Betws-Y-Coed Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
That's a bit how I feel at the moment... I often wonder if anyone ever notices the deer, it's good to know you do. And besides: I love your style. :)
Reply
:iconilyilaice:
ilyilaice Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011
Missed your writing. This is a pretty poem as always. I am still aching to have your book. Sigh. One day. I swear.
Reply
:icontasarnande:
Tasarnande Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
The whole thing is amazing, but the italic words caught my attention most (and not just because they were italicized =P).

no, sorry, too busy wondering
if the absence of tragedy
is the equivalent of happiness.


This... captivates me. I often wonder the same thing. Are you trully happy if you simply have nothing to be sad about? Is wandering around lost better than living in a known painful existence?

I hope you find the answer. I hope we all do.
Reply
:iconforeverislimited:
ForeverIsLimited Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
"try, trying, tried." ...and then?


Its only what you make of it.
Reply
:iconurler-x:
UrlEr-x Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
you're my favourite poet. i love your poems, i really do.
Reply
:iconbluesteeleyes:
BlueSteelEyes Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Student General Artist
so full of feeling. you write beautifully; but hey you already know that <3
Reply
:iconaieren:
aieren Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
This is how I feel when I put up an effort to please the people I care about (I can't bring myself to say love, because I don't understand the concept, which has led me to conclude that I have never experienced love).

Very well written, and aptly described :heart:
Reply
:iconscarlet-obsession:
Scarlet-Obsession Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011  Professional Photographer
So glad to see a new post, it always makes my day when I see one from you. Your writing is beyond words. (no pun intended) I hope to see another post soon!
Reply
:iconmoonlitwarrior95:
moonlitwarrior95 Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I like this a lot. It's a bit chaotic but still makes sense.
Reply
:iconshmibs:
shmibs Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
you wrote a poem about meaninglessness and dozens of people comment on how deeply it affected them
the best way to survive is to see everything as being hilarious and brilliantly ironic. why do you think the doctor behaves the way he does?

[Pauses, and stares into space] Change? What change? There is no change... no time, no rhyme, no place for space, nothing! Nothing but the grinding engines of the universe, the crushing boredom of eternity! [Collapses into a rack of coats and starts laughing hysterically, while Peri looks concerned]
Reply
:iconemaria-shadowgait:
Emaria-Shadowgait Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Every time I read one of your poems, I struggle to find words to tell you how much I feel and appreciate them. I struggle to find the words to tell you how good it is to not be the only person who feels like this. I struggle and lose, and then today, I just really felt like I needed to try and get this out because I haven't said anything worth saying for a long time, but I feel like this needed to be said. Thank you for being able to write these things down, and for being brave enough to share them.
Reply
Add a Comment: